PUB WISDOM
Brass Turns SilverArchive for Golf
He’s Back
How would his rickety wrist react? That was question in the air as Jobless Mike Abbott made his season debut in the Mif Albright Skins Series last week. With Soft Seven in “high-level meetings” in Florida (read: boondoggle) and Nick O’Teen sick as a dog and quarantined in the Green Cube’s aerie, it was up to the Large Professor to fight the good fight.
How long could the Large Pretender, er, Professor hang? Things looked promising for the portly pinseeker early, as he had a chance to catch JMA shaking off the rust on 2 — “Vanishing Waters” — when his tee shot landed on the green, presenting a relatively straightforward two putt for par. But his lag putt was about as fugly as could be, veering way right and leaving at least 8 or 10 feet left for par. Ultimately, par — which LP did not get — would have only caused a push as JMA parred himself. Instead, he took his first two skins of the 2008 campaign.
Large Professor was up to his old tricks on this day, fat on one shot, thin the next, hook then slice. The magic that delivered against Soft Seven last round out was nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, Joblessness was trying to iron out his propensity to hit everything left. This resulted in general crap golf on on holes 3-7.
JMA had it worked out by 8 — the Mif’s signature hole — hitting true off the tee and dropping it 6 feet from the cup right on line. Six more skins for JMA. He ulimately collected the 9th skin, just to complete the statement, but the damage was done on 8.
He’s back alright, but still sits third on the table — at least for the time being — as the Large Professor holds a slim one-point lead.
MADDOG Rises Up on “Rover’s Revenge”
A 7 AM call last Sunday morning from MADDOG — typical — resulted in an impromptu tour stop of the Llama Links Skins Series with the aforementioned MADDOG joined by Ringer T and the Large Professor.
On this day, the Llama proved the biggest winner, denying all comers 5 of the 9 potential skins on offer. Indeed it appears the birdies have flown the coop, perhaps beginning their migration early due to climate change?
In fact, only one bird was bagged all day. It came on 4 — “Rover’s Revenge.” The Professor had put his tee pitch on the dance floor, perhaps 12 feet from the cup, while MADDOG ended up on the fringe. While LP was lining up his long-shot birdie putt, he heard a shout and looked up. MADDOG had chipped his second shot cleanly off the fringe and dropped it gingerly onto the green with a chance. And indeed it rolled true, rattling against the flagstick and dropping in. Clutch.
But the foreskin was not quite a done deal. Large Professor had a birdie putt that, if sunk, would deny MADDOG’s glory and push the skins to the next hole. He lined it up and stroked it. It was right on line. It appeared as if LP would snatch the skins from MADDOG’s locked jaws. However, the putt came up 2 inches short and the rabid one cherished the uncircumcised sweetness.
In the end, MADDOG’s 4 on Rover’s Revenge were the only skins Llama Links conceded that day, leaving 5 bonus skins on the table for collection by the first one of the trio to skin in subsequent events. The 4 skins moves MADDOG into a tie with Ringer T atop the table. Things are getting interesting.
Jobless Mike Abbott Speaks From ‘Pon the Mountain-top
Like Moses lugging 15, er, 10 commandments down the mountain, or a Bin Laden tape furtively sent to Al-Jazeera, Pub Wisdom has received a communique from his majesty Jobless Mike Abbott, the odds-on favorite in the season-long chase that is the Mif Albright Skins Series. Once again employing his medium of choice, the press release, JMA has spoken, albeit opaquely. Will he be ready to play? Is this the rope-a-dope? Will he and his ailing hinge fail to materialize yet again… Only time will tell. For now, let’s tune in to the message from on high:
Well, Pub Wisdom reader, will he show or not? Weigh in in the comments below.
Large Professor Turns the Tables
The Mif Albright Skins collective, Pub Wisdom reckons, has had just about enough of Soft Seven’s skunkings of late. As we continue to wait for Jobless Mike Abbott’s much anticipated season debut, something had to be done. So it was with the resolve of a man carrying the weight of the Mif Albright Skins nation on his shoulders that the Large Professor eased through the the retreating afternoon sunshine, into the parking lot at the Chuck Corica Golf Complex, and emerged from his gaudy rental ready to do battle.
It bears mentioning here that the sage hands at the reins of the CCGC reinstated the original first hole of the Mif, a mean 46-yarder over the crik and a yawning sand trap. Hearty cheers to the powers that be for reestablishing the course to its former glory. But SS was in the zone — thinking about some work problem, no doubt, actually — and had walked right by the newly installed tee box on No. 1 and was already staring down the pin on 2. The decision was made to play the new No. 1 as a finale instead. Little did the golfers know what that finale had in store.
LP has bore the brunt of SS’s skunkings recently, and it seems as if Siete Suave was still on auto pilot as the pair teed off at 2. Within 5 minutes, SS had already collected a skin with a quick two putt off the apron and looked to be up to his usual tricks.
But it would be his one and only skin on the day, as things turned out, as the Professor’s game progressively heated up, allowing him to find the green off the team with unusual regularity and apply increasing pressure on SS. The pressure came to a boiling point on “Signature” with 6 skins riding. Both golfers found the green off the tee, and LP knocked his lag putt within 18 inches of the cup, putting the pressure on SS’s delicate 6 footer to push. Taking the lid off just in time, SS clutched up and drained the putt, staving off the onslaught for another hole.
Ultimately, the duo found themselves in the brand new tee box on 1, adjacent to the putting green, with 8 skins riding. Soft Seven was visibly relieved to have survived the last 4 holes unscathed and was beginning to feel like he might swoop in and snavel the lot on the last hole. But his tee pitch was a wee bit chunky and he didn’t quite reach the green on the imposing 46 yarder, leaving it a good 15 yards short and right. The Professor, in contrast, finessed his shot over the water, just barely coaxing it over the trap, where it landed on the dance floor and dribbled ever closer to the pin. As the competitors crossed the bridge over to the green, the tension was palpable. The professor tried unsucessfully to smother his smirk whil Soft Seven shook his head in silence, veins a-bulgin’.
After a straightforward and anticlimactic two-putt, Large Professor collected the 8 skins, stemming the tide of skunkings — at least for the time being. Consistency is king, which the why Soft Seven still sits comfortably atop the table.
Ringer T’s Shit Don’t Stink in Llama Links Skins Opener
The first-ever round of the Llama Links Skins Series occured recently (For current LLSS standings, click here).
Due to the highly covert nature of Llama Links, the three inaugural participants — Large Professor, MADDOG, and Ringer T — arranged to meet at a location nearby. LP considered blindfolding the new initiates to further protect the exact coordinates of LL, but ultimately deemed them worthy of full disclosure.
Once on site, Ringer T slyly began employing Jedi mind tricks, observing that LP takes Llama Links skins a wee bit too seriously, which planted seeds of doubt and threw the Professor off kilter. After a quick warm-up on 1, however, the Ringer’s true stripes came out on 2, as he neatly collected the first-ever skins of the Llama Links Skins Series with a neat birdie.
The grouping moved on to 3 — “Pachinko” — the most challenging hole on the course. An uphill 45-yarder with a sloping, postage-stamp green that is protected by danger on all sides. Bramble crowds the green back and right and the dreaded Pachinko Tree looms left.
MADDOG showed ample moxy, and some short-game touch, by staring down the hazards and nailing his tee-pitch up onto the dance floor, then stroking a clutch one-putt to draw his first LLSS blood.
As we teed off on 4, the Ringer faced a moment of humiliation as his putter handle was sullied with, well, with doo. After extensive cleaning efforts, the trio continued the round, but Ringer T was visibly rattled by the scat distraction. In fact, all three players began resembling the offending matter as no skins were taken over the remaining five holes. The decision was made to carry the six outstanding skins to a play-off hole. Pachinko was chosen.
Ringer T had clearly settled back down at this point and was singularly focused. He’d tasted the first two skins and wanted more. Ultimately, he got ‘em — after a deadly accurate tee-pitch, the Ringer exhibited just how cleanly he could wield his once-fouled flat stick, canning a dicey putt for the bird to claim the 6 skins, giving him 8 on the day and a clear victory.
In all, the inaugural event of the Llama Links Skins Series was filled with drama and symbolism, with observers keenly anticipating future action.
[This recap of the first event was posted after the recap of event No. 2, so the chronology is off a bit. Deal. --Pub Wisdom]Large Professor Scores with Late Fireworks
He was in, he was out, and — ultimately — back in. We’re talking about Rancho Mirage homeboy and all-around man-about-town Jaime Las Palmas, whose presence was up in the air until just prior to tee-off. Las Palmas took in Llama Links for the first time with a blend of befuddlement, amazement, skepticism, and — foremost — confidence. His skills are documented and well honed by daily rounds at the club. Would those skills be on display on this day?
It was clear early on that the great equalizer that is Llama Links didn’t have a JLP walkover in mind. Indeed, when the last divot landed, the whole round was turned on its ear, with JLP posessing no skins to speak of and the spoils instead shared among the remaining dark-horse duo, Large Professor and MADDOG. Click here to view the table for the 2008 Llama Links Skins Series.
To his credit, JLP played admirably during his first round on the Llama, consistently racking up tidy pars — no mean feat due to Llama Links’, er, unique course conditions. But bird is the word that earns skins at Llama Links, and it was MADDOG, not JLP, that struck first — on the hardest hole on the course, no less.
The third hole – “Pachinko” – features a sloping, postage-stamp green ringed with danger. Thick bramble shrouds the green right and back, the vaunted Pachinko tree looms on the left, and abundant condo windows beckon errant shots and repair checks. As a topper, the green’s elevated configuration spells trouble for any shots that come up short.
MADDOG was unflappable, undaunted, and undeterred by these intimidating hazards as he stepped into the tee box with three skins riding. He steeled himself, then nutted his tee wedge, flying it within 12 inches of the hole, then tapped in to collect the first three skins.
Throughout the round, Large Professor consistently came up short and left (puzzling — he usually misses right??) and never threatened while Las Palmas and Maddog flirted with opportunities to skin on holes 4-8. Ultimately, no birds flew on those holes, carrying 6 over to 9.
Much to the chagrin of the visitors, Large Professor’s wedge came alive just at the right time, as he stroked it true and put his tee shot on the dance floor, leaving a white-knuckle 5 footer for the birdie while neither JLP or MADDOG got close enough to threaten. The Professor rattled home his one-putt to claim the 6 skins in what essentially amounts to highway robbery.
Pub Wisdom knows LP’s not proud and will take ‘em where he can get ‘em. Better luck next time.
Pepé Le Pew Continues to Stink
Can anyone stem the tide of skunkings? Apparently not Large Professor, who fell victim to yet another 9-0 blanking at the hands of Soft Seven — aka Pepé Le Pew — in the wet, wild, and wooly mano-y-mano affair that was the third event of the 2008 Mif Albright Skins Series campaign.
SS walked away with all 9 skins for the second straight time, making the MASS pecking order all too apparent as he solidifies his position at the top of the table. Actually, due to Jobless Mike Abbott’s limp-wristed absence from the first three events, we’ll have to wait and see how JMA reacts to SS’s stout and skunky start to the season. The smart money still calls for JMA to start bringing Le Pew back to earth as soon as he’s fit enough to grace the E9, but as noted in the recap after event No. 2, it will be no small feat the way SS is stacking up the early-season skins.
The round was once again marked by clean, consistent play on and around the green by Soft Seven, who nailed clutch putts more often than not, and just barely missed several other times.
Large Professor was in a good position for skins on two occaisions, but knocked putts so far to the right that casual onlookers might’ve mistaken him for Ron Paul on a campaign stop.
On a bright note on this stormy day, Pub Wisdom was pleased by the noticable uptick of players on the Mif Albright in recent days, despite the less-than-balmy weather. Also appreciated is the recent TLC apparent on the Mif — fairways!
In all, Pub Wisdom yearns to see JMA’s return, if for no other reason than all these skunks by Soft Seven are becoming damn monotonous. With JMA in the mix, a return for LP to the form that began to emerge at the end of the 2007 season, and the wild card that is Nick O’Teen, 2008 is shaping up to be quite intriguing.
JMA, where are you????
Two Gets You Nine
That’s the math for Soft Seven, apparently, as his clutch performance all day culminated in solo pars on 5 (”Hole in One”) and 9 (”What’s Happenin’?”) that delivered all 9 skins to SS on the second event of the 2008 Mif Albright Skins Series. The thorough skunking sees SS to the top of the table and out to a sizable early-season lead on the pack, with 16 total on the Oh-8.
We all know that these hasty mid-Winter rounds, crammed into 45 minutes of darkness at the end of the day, are much ado about nothing in the marathon that is the 2008 campaign — but two consecutive strong showings by SS suggest Jobless Mike Abbott will have some serious catch-up to play before he reels in Soft Seven and starts to pull away from the field – his plan, no doubt. Pub Wisdom recommends JMA ramp up the, er, physical therapy on the wrist in order to return to action as soon as possible — like Thursday.
On the afternoon that marked Nick O’Teen’s 2008 Mif Albright Skin Series debut, the theme appeared to be “Close, But No Cigar” for both O’Teen and Large Professor, who lipped out 3 par putts and came within six inches of holing out on a par chip — all would-be skins. In the end, he couldn’t get off the schnide. That’s not to say this round was a foregone conclusion, however. The final 9-0-0 tally is misleading as level of competition was much closer.
Things first got interesting on 2, “Baffler’s Redoubt.” SS put it on the green off the tee and lag putted within a few feet of the hole. The look on his face after he tapped in for par belied the fact that he’d already mentally bagged these two skins. He looked on with skepticism as LP sized up a tough 15-footer to match SS’s par and carry 3 skins over to “Broken Leg.” The joke was on SS – for now, at least – as LP rocked up and guided it home.
Four skins were on the line at “Optical Illusion” as Nick O’Teen perhaps provided a glimpse of things to come this season as he continues to hone his homespun P-town estilo. His badly shanked tee shot caromed abruptly to the right and came to rest in the debris-strewn no man’s land neath one of the Mif’s many mature trees. He nutted his second shot pure, though, and dropped it on the green where it came to rest about 4 feet from the cup. Suddenly, O’Teen had a relatively straightforoward putt to pocket 4 skins. Stakes, as they say, was high. In the end, he did what anyone bad enough to get excited about skins on an E-9 would do — he slammed it right at the cup so hard that it hit the back edge and kicked straight up and over. No skins.
SS ended the drama by collecting 5 skins on 5 before three more holes of collective mediocrity culminated in the other 4 on “What’s Happenin’?” A well contested game, and well-earned and satisfying success for SS.
Check the Mif Albright Skins Series page for current standings.
Sweet Seven for Soft Seven
Well, well, well. The first event of the 2008 Mif Albright Skins Series almost didn’t take place due to Soft Seven’s persistent and multi-pronged whinging. But, typically, looking back, I am sure SS is glad he finally crumbled and, grumbling, loaded his clubs into the Crushed Dog-Hair Transport Vehicle. When all was said and done, SS clocked seven skins to Large Professor’s two to assume the spot at the top of the table to open up the 2008 season. He’s the Daniel Chopra of the Mif.
Before we get to the action, Pub Wisdom would like to share SS’s top-five excuses for not playing . (Due to space limitations, we could not include all of SS’s excuses — rest assured there were many more -PW):
1) It’s raining buckets, bro, buckets. I’m looking out my window right now.
2) They close the Mif when it rains.
3) Dude, look at the radar — there’s no way.
4) I’ve got to hammer out a powerpoint, bro.
5) I don’t want to get sick from exposure.
Okay, it was slated to rain heavily that day, but the Skins god smiled on us, providing a perfectly timed 45 minutes of respite in which we could get the round in. It was raining on the drive over, stopped as we warmed up, then started up again as darkness fell after we’d hit our tee shots on 9! Amazing.
I rocked up to the starter, who was shocked we wanted to play the Mif in such conditions and tried to talk me out of it three times (Why on earth he is discouraging people to play, bad conditions or otherwise, is beyond me give that playership and revenues are down overall and the Mif specifically is under pressure — take the $20, man!). Once he realized we were serious, I asked if he was amenable to a 2-for-1 discount on account of the rain. “Not quite,” he responded, putting my Jackson in the till.
On the course, it was a straight drubbing, with SS hitting several greens off the tee while LP’s game digressed into infantry golf — left, right, left, right. As predicted on Pub Wisdom prior to the round, wet conditions with calm winds enabled SS to shoot for the pin (ball would literally auger into the green with little or no bounce/roll at all.
SS’s flat stick was also working, with several holed putts, a couple long ones on a true line that died 4-6 inches from the cup, and even a birdie on 2.
The round was blessed from on high, destined to be played despite the weather and SS’s impressive whinging. In the end, it was a great evening. Pub Wisdom admonishes SS — and all of us, really — to worry less about why things can’t happen and focus on how to overcome. Git r done.
Windy, Wet Conditions = Skins for O’Teen?
In the birthplace of golf, stormy conditions are the norm — and instead of high, lofted draws or fades or other fancy ball flights, shots are played lower as a result. Less loft = less chance for the wind to mess with your ball.
As we look to the first Skins Series encounter of 2008, the wet and windy conditions in which the round will likely occur may well play into the hands of Nick o’Teen, whose antiquated equipment and submarining ball flight could serve him well enough to slap him some skins.
If it’s wet but not windy, the soggy greens will beckon pinseeking efforts, which may spell success for Soft Seven, who’s recorded a hole-in-one at the Mif before.
Speaking of SS, the wuss-o-meter is already chirping as homeboy claims wet weather may postpone the round. Pub Wisdom says stay positive and a nice sunny patch may follow.
Jobless Mike Abbott will be missed, and to add to the injury report, a door-slammed index finger may push Large Professor’s already dodgey shot-making to the outright hazardous range.
All in all, it should be an interesting way to open the 2008 campaign. Batten down the hatches and bring your A-game.
